02 Aug Cabin in the Woods: The Vacationing
I have spent the last week in an actual cabin in the actual woods just off Farmer Bob’s Road in WTF, New Hampshire. And if I’m being honest? It actually wasn’t so bad.
I’m not the sort of boy who really has any desire to get closer to actual nature than God and New York City intended. But there was something very healthy-seeming about such a profound shift in experiences this last week.
For reference, I live on the upper east side of Manhattan and spent the week before at (in no order) the Waldorf, the Four Seasons, and a penthouse on 57th street. I’m serious about my city and if I was choosing places to spend the first real vacation I’ve had in six years, a place where you swim in a lake and sleep separated from outdoors only by a fine mesh screen wasn’t at the top of the list.
But it’s been really good. The stillness is good. And I’ve managed to spend some honest time away from work emails and texts and tweets (
if you’re waiting on a response from me, this is the delay and I’m working as fast as I can to catch up I’m pretty much caught up!). And more than anything I’ve gotten to spend some real time with some very good friends of mine who are also escaping New York summer here. The kind of time that you only really get to have when everyone is outside their element and lacking practical things to do with their hands and brains.
Tonight, for instance, I sat out on the dock with my best friend and the sister of one of our good friends and talked (shockingly honestly) about the future and children and why I think I might not be the marrying type (or the children type, or lots of other types). It was refreshing. It was refreshing to talk like you did at the end of senior year, but with grown ups who also see you as a grownup. Not just kids talking about what’s gonna happen when we go off to college, but where we’re headed now with marriages and pregnancies and mortgages. It was real.
There’s something to be said too, for just being able to really be alone. In a place that is still and quiet. I thought a lot about what I want to do when I go home. I’m ready to get rid of a lot of stuff I have that I hold on to because it’s mine and I’ve always had it. But it’s just stuff, really. And it’s weighing me down. But I don’t think about it at home because I’m so accustomed to al the stuff, and more likely because there’s always so many other things to think about. Amazing what a few days without wifi affords your brain.
I will be glad to get back home to my bed and my shower and my gym and my stuff. But I have some new things to think about, as far as how I’m proceeding and what I really want. I don’t know if I have any answers to those things, but I’m seeing the questions differently.*
*also while everyone else was down at the lake yesterday, I masturbated outdoors in the hammock and it was glorious. In case the rest of this didn’t sound like me.