06 Apr Penis Size: You Gotta Work With What You Have
I know… I know. Easy to say, tough to hear.
One of the things about having a job where your appearance plays an exceptionally large role, is trying to figure out where your real limitations are (this is probably as tall as I’ll ever be, and my nuts aren’t getting any larger, no matter how much I wish them to) versus what your imaginary limitations are (I don’t have abs because I don’t work abs that much and because I eat basically an all-carb diet – I could change both of those things and earn my six pack).
When it comes to something like genital size, it’s difficult to accept that as a real limitation when there are so many things and people out there telling you that this pill or that pump or these exercises will make your dick bigger and more appealing to people who are interested in big dicks (that said, my hydromax is still brilliant and I use it every day). I’m personally lucky to be in the ‘mildly above average penis size‘ bracket, so reading this VICE article about Burmese guys injecting coconut oil into their penises in the hope of making them larger and more desirable made my stomach turn:
Have you ever looked at a tub of coconut oil and drunkenly considered injecting some into your dick to make it larger? No? Well this is a thing people do. Specifically this is something people are doing in Burma and Thailand, where my friend Koko encountered the phenomenon in a refugee camp.
Koko is a med student who was attending to Karen refugees in a camp on the Thailand-Burma border. The Karen people are an ethnic minority trying to escape centuries of persecution in Burma, for the slightly more tolerant Thailand. In these camps, Karen people require medical attention for a range of ailments, including this rather weird thing some of the guys get into.
It’s called “Karen Viagra,” and any description of it will etch itself onto your frontal lobe like the ultimate Cronenberg nightmare. Koko took me through what she saw.
VICE: Hi Koko, you’ve explained this to me a few times now, and I’m still having trouble getting my head around it. What is happening exactly?
Koko: Basically, Karen men inject their penises and sometimes their testicles with coconut oil, which makes the penis look and feel bigger.
And why do they do this?
I wish it was some complicated cultural thing, but really, it’s just because these men have small penises, and they want them to seem bigger.
But there’s a catch.
Yes. That’s putting it lightly. The “effect” can last anywhere between two and three years. Then things get bad.
Oh boy. Well, firstly, the coconut oil solidifies around the penis—the actual penis—so between the skin of the shaft and the organ itself. Then after a few years your penis just stops working. Difficulty peeing, reduction in sensitivity, pain, and no erections, so no sex. Basically, it makes the whole thing pointless. I think shame plays a large part in them delaying medical attention.
Has Karen Viagra ever worked?
Well there must be some success stories, otherwise, why would they do it? But they’re doing it when they’re drunk a lot of the time. They’re just filling syringes with coconut oil and putting it under the skin.
So what happens when they do seek medical attention?
They come onto the operating table, which is literally just a table with some plastic on top of it. All they have in the surgery is local anesthetic. You just inject the local anesthetic in different points around the penis. These men are just so sad. The ultimate result of the surgery is that you’re going to have less of a penis than you began with [before injecting the coconut oil].
The interview with this medical student goes into very specific detail about how this is done, but the gripping question for my sake was very consistently: WHY are these specific men doing this?
I never managed to get an answer. The most I got out of the medics was that these men wanted to be thicker and bigger.
You guys. Despite everything porn and escorts (even me, sometimes) are always saying, big dicks don’t make or break anything. And loving the penis that you already have will give you infinitely more pleasure and satisfaction (to share!) than a fucked up coconut oil dick ever will. Instead of spending the energy and money looking for stuff that’s gonna make you bigger and people like you more, spend some time with your own penis and get to know it in a real way. Get to love it for what it is, because that’s what it’s always going to be.
And the truth of the matter? Guys like me are gonna love it even if it’s not huge and threatening. Because penises are amazing and because we’re lucky to have them.
PS: If you insist on getting coconut oil involved with your penis, it makes amazing lube that can go in your mouth unlike so many other lubes. I’ll be glad to bring some/show you!