31 Jul 20 Reasons You Can’t Believe What You Read in an Internet Profile
Times change, but gay ‘dating’ profiles pretty much don’t.
I want to start by disclaiming the fact that I have no earthly idea where this page came from, and an hour+ of googling didn’t help me with anything. So you’re going to have to enjoy it, sans-context. I’m all ears if you know its origins, though.
I do know that that’s a Roscoe illustration up at the top there, because that guy’s work is unmistakable and makes my penis almost immediately stand up and ask what’s going on whenever I see it. Roscoe as a person, though, is tough to track down. There isn’t a ton of info about him except that he used to be a commercial illustrator, and then started making legit money from his gay/erotic art. That was thanks mostly to Handjobs Magazine (which, frankly I don’t think I’ve mentioned here, but talked about a LOT on Manhunt Daily). But since the mid 2000’s he seems to have vanished completely, with a dried up twitter, and all urls associated with his work up for sale.
At any rate, this is hilarious and I have personally used more of these than I’m proud to admit. See how many you can find that line up with grindr/scruff profiles you know:
20 Reasons You Can’t Believe What You Read in an Internet Profile:
His Profile Says: I’m a total top.
Translation: For $200 more you can fuck my brains out.
I’m not into kink.
I’m into some sick shit that would make you run screaming from the room if I told you what it was.
I’m not looking for a relationship.
My boyfriend doesn’t know I’m fucking around on him.
I work out five times a week.
I go to the gym twice a week; the other three times I’m working out my low self-esteem with issues with my shrink.
I’m 25 and very boyish.
I’m pushing 40.
My boyfriend is cheating on me.
I’m horse hung.
It’s just slightly bigger than the average dick, but if I light the bedroom just the right way, you will think it’s huge.
I’m str8 and curious.
I’ve been fucked. A lot.
I’m a total bottom.
I’m a total bottom.
I like to get freaky!
Do you have a boyfriend I can fuck?
I love watching old movies.
I am a new Falcon Exclusive.
I’m very versatile.
Oh god I wanna get fucked so bad!
I give a great massage.
And if you want ‘release’ that will be $75 extra.
My dick is always rock hard.
The Viagra is stashed under the bathroom sink.
I’m not an escort.
I prefer the term companion.*
Hot guy with a six-pack.
If you drink an entire six-pack, you might think I’m hot.
I have a thing for uniforms.
I’ve been incarcerated.
I’m hung very thick.
My dick is small.
No models, actors, or waiters.
I want a sugar daddy!
Not into cyberchat.
I’m stupid and can’t make conversation.
*I will admit getting called out for that ‘companion’ thing.