13 Dec The Boyfriend Experience
Men don’t get a fun acronym like GFE, since BFE is already something else.
I talk with a lot of people about what I do as a companion and how it compares with what they do or what their experience with hiring other escorts or companions has been like. And one of the most noticeable through-lines in all those conversations is that most guys say they just don’t ‘get’ what the Boyfriend Experience really is, or why someone would choose that, instead of an hour or two of “action.”
It’s tough for me to explain it exactly, because I don’t think there’s a one-size fits all sort of box in which I can put the concept. The time I spend with people is different in every single instance, because every person is different. If I were to describe it as “dinner and a show with some personal private time mixed in,” that would really only explain that one scenario with that one person.
The truth is that no two relationships are ever the same. Not two monogamous heterosexual marriages, not two homosexual committed but open relationships, and not two of whatever it is you’ve worked out between you and your partner. So it seems silly to prescribe one type of thing, call it an Experience, and then call it a day.
What I am great at (you’ll forgive how arrogant that sounds, but it is important for someone who does what I do to be aware of themselves, and sometimes that comes across as self-congratulatory. Mea culpa) is rapport building and putting people at ease. That’s not something everyone has a toolbox for and it isn’t even something everyone is interested in. But it’s what makes me great with first-timers. Even dudes who consider themselves old pros at meeting escorts sometimes find themselves nervous before a first meeting, especially when there’s been little contact beforehand. It’s a perfectly rational thing to get nervous about, after all! You’re meeting a stranger who has (you hope) described themselves accurately online and tossed up a few photos that sort of resemble what they look like on a good day (you really hope). If you’re very thorough, maybe you’ve researched him on Daddy’s Reviews to gather what others may have thought of him. But even then, you have no real way of knowing if you’ll want anything to do with him once you actually open the door.
The Boyfriend Experience is something that not all providers are going to pull off well. It is often a euphemism for ‘and also I’ll talk to you like a person for a little while, in addition.’ What it means to me is that I strive to facilitate is a safe, focused environment where I can really get to know something about the person I’m with. I love having long talks about what their growing up experiences were like, or what they think their current relationships provide for them (or, in some cases, what they think their relationships are lacking). And because it’s me, we inevitably drift through topics like the first time they remember jacking off or what their pornography of choice is and why. Just because that stuff fascinates me. We talk about films they’ve loved, or books I should read ( get the bulk of my reading list meat from these talks), and it feels natural because it is natural. I’m not here to act like a boyfriend; I genuinely want to know who you are.
I try my best to avoid topics like religion and politics, because they can be divisive and deeply personal in a way that even sexual experiences aren’t always. Everyone I talk with about that rule thinks it’s because I must have some especially offensive religious/political leanings that I’m trying to keep secret, but the truth is that I keep that rule so that others feel safe and respected, even if our ideologies differ. If you’ve given tons of money to the green party, it isn’t going to help our relationship any for me to casually mention that I think Jill Stein ought to be blasted out the airlock. And since I just don’t have a good poker face for such things, better to avoid it all entirely.
I’m easy to talk to, and interested in what these men have to say, so it’s only natural that our communion would fast begin to resemble how someone would engage with a boyfriend. For my money, the Boyfriend Experience is about really letting yourself be present and real and open with someone, the way one might with a therapist, but without the expectation of answers or a diagnosis (or all of the “Tyler, please put your pants back on. This is an office,” that my actual therapist is constantly spouting). I probably can’t fix your problems. But I’m very good at listening and I want to know how you are.
Beyond that, our time is ours to maximize any way we see fit. There’s no prescription for what you “get” in an encounter like this, and that’s a narrow way to view such a thing. I love being with people when they enjoy stuff, so great meals, great shows, and great museums are always on the docket. It’s so fun to watch somebody really get into whatever their thing is – food, theatre, music, sex, whatever. There isn’t much that someone is going to propose that I’ll say a flat “no” to, and certainly not things like the ballet or the opera, which my friends never want to attend with any regularity.
I’m proud to be out on the town (whichever town I happen to be in) with a cultured, erudite man who knows what he likes (opera-wise), and even though it seems like you might, you’ll never worry about what others are going to think. It’s my experience that, in places like New York, most people don’t give a hot fuck who you’re with. And on top of that, when fully dressed, I make a very respectable companion just about anywhere you want to go. I’ve got a backstory to suit any occasion, and am charming enough that nobody’s gonna have time to get suspicious.
I know the vagueries of hired companionship can make it seem amorphous and suspect. But the truth is that when it’s good, the BFE (see? The acronym just doesn’t work!) situation can be the ultimate relationship. It’s there when you need it, and away when you’re done. You don’t have to deal with the hassles of a boyfriend’s personal life or mood swings, and still get to soak in all the fun times and nice trips. It’s the best of all possible worlds.
It’s just got a dumb name.