27 Jan Do This, Not That: How to Contact an Escort
Helpful ways to get exactly what you want, instead of getting ignored.
Just because there’s money involved, doesn’t mean hiring works like ordering up a pizza. When you’re in search of quality companionship (of any variety) it’s important to remember that you’re dealing with a person, and not a product or a store. The way you might interact with any other commercial service will be different from how you should approach a professional companion, for lots of reasons!
Initial Contact: That First Email
Email seems to still be tricky for a lot of people. That is baffling to me, as someone who has always had an email address, and used it as a necessary part of high school, college, and every job I’ve ever had. But ubiquity doesn’t mean that everyone can automatically do it well. Nuance gets lost, people assume everyone will just “know what they mean,” and there’s never been any formal MLA styling enforced (the way there has been with business correspondence like cover letters or letters of recommendation).
When contacting an escort for the first time, there’s some really basic stuff you can do to ensure you 1. get a response, and 2. get the response you want. It may not work all the time, but it will certainly up your chances.
Let’s look at a great email:
Steve is a lucky guy, because I would jump at a chance to respond to this message. Robert has played everything right here:
+ Robert introduces himself right up front, and states the purpose of the email immediately.
+ He gives some pertinent information that could lead to conversation.
+ Robert offers compliments (unnecessary, but kind) and says why he’s interested.
+ He asks Steve’s preferred method of communication and leaves his own number.
+ Robert is also looking to schedule with lots of advanced notice.
This is a dream message to receive. Steve can tell right away what Robert wants, when he wants it, and is left with several options to contact him with details or questions. The message is friendly and invites a friendly reply.
Let’s look at the opposite of that:
Oh. Boy. I don’t even know this dude’s name – that’s how bad this is – so we’re just gonna call him Bad Emailer.
+ Bad Emailer didn’t introduce himself and Steve’s got no way to know what his name is.
+ He immediately lists an unusual fetish with no setup or explanation, and then
+ Demands to know how much it will cost to do that.
+ BE then offers “advice” in the form of an insult about photos.
+ He closes by saying he doesn’t want to email, but offers no alternative contact.
I wish I could say I get more of the first message than the second one, but I’m very familiar with the likes of Bad Emailer up there. So what can we take from all of this?
State your name, the reason you’re reaching out, and some pertinent information about who you are.
Say something nice, if you’re already thinking it. Escorts are just people and people like compliments.
Make plans in advance whenever possible.
Play by (and ask!) the communication rules of the person you’re dealing with. If you leave me 20 voicemails we’re probably never going to meet because I DO NOT CARE ABOUT VOICEMAIL IT IS 2017 AND NOBODY WANTS TO CHECK OR LISTEN TO VOICEMAILS. But everyone is different. Be considerate of the person you’re reaching out to.
Bump your message if you haven’t heard back in 24 hours or so. Things can get busy, and I’ve missed plenty of messages because I accidentally mark them as ‘read’ when I haven’t replied yet. This can be as easy as replying to your initial letter with a “Wanted to make sure you saw this! Looking forward to hearing from you.“
State, request, or demand an unusual fetish or activity (use your judgement on what’s ‘unusual’) with no setup or explanation. What if Steve doesn’t play the piano or own formal chopsticks? Did he even describe anything like this in his ad? Are you sure Steve is the guy you want to do this with?
Ask someone how much it will cost to do a particular activity. Any companion or escort worth their salt has posted and clear rates for their time and presence ONLY. If you’re dealing with someone who charges by the activity, I don’t know how to help you because that seems super illegal and dangerous.
Say shitty stuff about an escort’s photos, ad, or appearance. If you’re not interested in them, move on. You’ve got lots of choices. You’re not “helping” them by telling them they “look too feminine,” or “not feminine enough,” in photos. That’s a weird thing to say to a stranger in any context and just makes you look rude.
Say you “don’t like email” in an email and then leave no alternative. If you absolutely need to talk on the phone to set something up, say that. And leave a phone number, a time to reach you, and a name to call you.
Send more than 3 consecutive emails in rapid succession and you activate my spamjaculator which will ensure I don’t see a message for a long time. Long emails are fine – say everything you need to. 5 back to back emails with one sentence apiece without waiting for a reply, makes baby Jesus cry.
The real lesson here is that thoughtfulness will take you a long, long way. Send an email you would like to receive. And more than anything, read what you’ve written before you send it, and imagine the best response someone could give to what you’ve written. If you can’t picture how someone will reply, edit what you’ve said to make a response seem invited and natural.
If all else fails, admit your faults. If someone says “I’m not great at email,” I understand that! And that kind of admission will encourage me to offer another way to communicate. I personally hate talking on the phone (I’d rather set fire to my pubes than force a phone conversation with a stranger), but if I know it’s going to be simpler or more comfortable for you (because you’ve stated that clearly), I can get over it and pick up when you call.
Escorts and companions want to hear from you. But think about what you’re writing before you send it, and think about what you want in return. Make their job as easy and enjoyable as possible and you’ll get what you want 99% of the time.
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