Things I Have Learned in 7 Years as a Professional Dominatrix, Medium, Sandra Wade, Domme, Pro Domme, Fetish, Kink, Leather, Discipline

“Things I Have Learned in 7 Years as a Professional Dominatrix” by Sandra Wade

There’s so much to absorb from this list!


 

I have something of an ‘almost but not quite’ understanding of kink and fetish work, and despite having friends who are Doms and Dommes and fetish performers and more, still live in relative ignorance about what their jobs and practices actually entail. As I imagine many people probably are with what I do, I am confused and sort of unclear about why someone would hire them based on the types of interactions that take place. So I am always on the hunt for more things to read and more information to soak up.

Which is why Medium sends me new things to read and soak every morning. This week, it brought in something of a listicle by professional Dominatrix Sandra Wade. And reading over her numbered list of things she’d learned in her work, I was shocked about how 1. astute and insightful and honest each bulleted point was, and 2. how much overlap there seemed to be between what she did and what I do. How curious!

I think it’s worth your reading the entire article here, and if you’re interested, you can catch up with Sandra Wade at her Patreon, or her Medium profile to see other things she’s written.

Here’s my favorite points from :

 

Things I Have Learned in 7 Years as a Professional Dominatrix

 

• So long as all parties are over the age of 18 and the activity is 100 percent consensual, no one should judge anyone’s fetishes or what they do behind closed doors

Yes! Agree! I love it.

 

• My job is often more like therapy than sex work; I spend a good amount of time in my sessions reassuring people they’re “normal”

Oh, boy. Amen. I talked about that in this thing I wrote.

 

 Pro dommes should not make their sessions all about THEM. Clients=customers. Too many of my clients have had bad experiences with other dommes ignoring their limits, or not giving what they asked for in a session. If I paid $300 for an hour only to have my needs and wants ignored (unless I’m into that), I’d be mad, too.

You know, take out Pro Domme and replace it with literally any service business. I think everyone (probably me included) could be better about this.

 

Too many people get into this business thinking they will make easy money. This is far from easy money. Excelling as a pro domme requires training, maturity, intelligence, sensitivity, a thick skin, imagination, compassion, and an investment in looking and playing the part.

Same note as the last one. If you’re making easy money, you’re cutting corners somewhere, and it’s gonna catch up with you.

 

This is NOT just a job. You really need to love what you do. I remind myself every session that I’m there to create a safe, happy space for my client, away from the real world where they are free to indulge themselves, and in doing so, I’m providing a very real, very valuable service.

Everyone should be required to recite this out loud before they sign up for their first Rentmen profile.

 

 

You really must go see the full list to absorb all the stuff that’s on offer here. I can’t explain how energizing it is to read about people taking what they do so seriously and closely to heart. You’re killin it, Sandra.

 

-t

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