13 May Uncomfortable Asks: Dadplay and Poop Mishaps
How real is too real for incest roleplay and what do you do when things don’t play out perfectly during buttstuff?
We’ve made it through a few of these Uncomfortable Asks with some good questions and questionable answers. But I end up talking about these posts more with people in real life than anything else I ever write about here, so let’s give the people what they want, yeah?
Don’t forget, if you’ve got your own awkward sex/sex work/general penises and butts question, there’s an anonymous submit box at the end of this post where you can drop it off. If it happens to be something I know or have an opinion about, I’ll be thrilled to answer it here in a future post.
You talk about a lot of incest on your blog and your tumblr (ie dads and sons or uncles and nephews, etc). What do you really think about that? Is that all fantasy or is it based on something else?
-Anonymous Submit via Tumblr
You mean, did I have sex with my dad and that’s why I talk about that stuff here? No. C’mon, man.
I’m glad you brought this up, though. Incest stories and Handjobs Magazine searches are one of the main ways people google their way into this blog right now, so it’s no surprise that people think I must be a huge pervert for family fucking. But the truth is that I just happen to find it titillating (the way loads and loads of other guys do and have for generations) to explore the ideas of what cultures deem “taboo.” To press gently on the boundaries of what is ‘acceptable’ and what is not.
As it happens, I grew up lusting over art that was centered around stories about boys exploring sexuality with their dads or brothers, or their coaches, teachers, doctors, or firemen. Men who typified roles that were safe and who could be trusted to care for someone without the maturity or emotional toolbox required to forge these relationships and bonds in the real world. I slammed into my own sexuality very early, and it was jarring and isolating for me as a young preteen. Which is why I mention Handjobs as frequently as I do here; it made something of a formative impression on my young brain to see these ideas fleshed out in stories and illustrations, month after month. On top of that it validated something inside of me to know that other men (grown up men! Men who had the smarts and wherewithal to publish a whole magazine!) had the same fantasy ideas that I did, and maybe that made those fantasies (and me for having them) more ok.
My incest fixation was never about my actual family members, but about the idea that somewhere, some dad had found the way to teach his son about sex without it being embarrassing or damaging or shameful to either of them. Where it could be strictly about the pleasures of maleness, without capital-S-Sex being defined by women the way it would be in tv and movies and books and everything else in life.
The stories that I reprint here, or the comics I’m so excited to share and talk about, all feature that same throughline – glee-filled, joyful sexual interaction that takes place without crushing guilt or shame from societal or religious influences. Neither party is damaged, no one gets pregnant, and no one suffers from an STI. It’s just an adult man teaching a younger man what it is to have a penis. It is a celebration of that lizard-brain corner of mens minds that tells them constantly: “ejaculate on everything! Drown them all in your cummmm!” It is fiction from top to bottom.
It goes without saying that I don’t condone any kind of sex with or between minors, that no one should take advantage of someone before that person believes themselves to be ready, and that child pornography is the ultimate degradation and misunderstanding of erotic art. Children are not sexual beings in the way that adults may mistake them to be and forcing them into sexual situations may be damaging to them beyond calculable measure.
Do I find myself fascinated with incest because it’s what I want or what I remember? No. It’s just nice sometimes to imagine we could be a little freer with our minds than we regularly are.
What do you do when you’re fucking and you can see or smell shit? That ruins it for me and I usually can’t be with that person again, just out of disgust and embarrassment. Any advice?
-Anonymous Submit via Tumblr
Oh, boy. This… this is tough. Because there is no fix or easy answer to what I think you’re asking here. Here are the things that you should spend some time thinking about before you put your penis in anyone’s butt:
? That butt is where that person shits. That’s just life/nature. We all do it. We all do it from the same place. Accept it.
? Pretending during sex that there has never been shit there or that there never will be again is stupid.
? That said, you don’t need to actively think about shit during sex.
? Until you do. It HAPPENS. Douching is not foolproof and lots and lots of people do it weirdly or wrongly. So sometimes:
? There might be a little shit.
? It’s not the bottom’s fault. It’s not your fault. Technically it might be G-d’s fault, but that’s a stretch.
? It just happens.
Now. If you think you’re mature enough to deal with all of that and still wanna fuuuuuuuuuu in the buuuuuuuu, I say go to it. This is yet another great reason that condoms are great for anal sex. They’re gonna keep the uh oh‘s from being OH MY GOD NOOO’s.
If you’re fucking somebody and there is a little bit of shit, I advise you to do a fast personal assessment, taking into account that it’s 100% likely your bottom doesn’t know what’s up. Ask yourself: how close am I? Can I just finish and go clean up and we’ll all stay friends? If your answer is anything other than “Oh fuck I’m CUMMING,” then the odds are good you’re gonna want to stop and take a cleanup break.
It’s important that you don’t act all grossed out and upset about something that your partner definitely did not want to happen and would likely have done anything to prevent. Our culture is weird about poop and it brings a level of personal shame and horror to know that you couldn’t control your own poop (even while someone was jamming an erect penis into your anus over and over and over), and there’s no reason for you to pile on to that. I always have wet wipes within arm’s reach of my bed, and if you happen to be in a hotel, they bleach all those towels anyway, so do what you have to do.
If you’re dead set on making it work anyway after cleaning up (good for you!) my personal experience has been that a duo shower is a good way to get back into the swing. Take care of the dude bottoming for you and let him know that this isn’t the end of your encounter and that (I’m sorry for how trite and direct this is) shit actually really does happen. That’s life. It’s a body. It can be unpredictable. Wash that dude’s ass in that shower and then jam your face right back up in there like a MAN and get started again.
“There’s no such thing as a stupid question” (is an incorrect thing a lot of people say) but if you don’t ask, you’ll never know. And that seems much worse than asking a stupid question.