09 Oct Broken Buddy Bate: Or, “How Not To Jack With Friends”
Stu and Pavel are super hot and super disconnected.
Without question, my most popular tumblr post in the lifetime of that account, is a simple photograph of two dudes holding hands while they masturbate:
I don’t know who these guys are, or what the context for this image is. But somehow it says all the things, at one time. I get more comments and more messages about men lamenting the loss of such a friendship, or moaning about the fact that they’ve never had it. They all point to this photo and they say “I want that.” For all of the hardcore, bareback, fuck-me-in-the-ass porn that exists in all the mansex world, it seems that what men want (without realizing that they want it) is to be connected. Connected to another human; another man. And through that connection, to be connected to the greater energy of the universe (I know how hippy dippy that sounds. Bear with me).
It’s a simpler thing to see from outside, this desire for connection, and I probably notice it because I spend a lot of my time writing about it and helping to foster it through my work. But it can be hard to spot in one’s own list of driving forces. And that’s before we even dive into the multi-billion dollar pornography industry that creates endless, sharable content neglecting or denying the concept of connection entirely.
If one is fixated on lots and lots of porn, dissecting the idea of ‘connection’ would be like asking a Taco Bell employee about the nutritional breakdown of Nachos Bel Grande. They don’t care about that. You’re just supposed to put it in you.
I stumbled across a beautiful GIFset on tumblr the other day, and immediately tweeted it out, admiring the visible fraternity I was witnessing here. Somebody more dedicated than I ID’d it as a Sean Cody Production, so I went about borrowing a friend’s account for what I expected would be a fun, penisy evening of watching these men find heightened pleasure in the pleasure of their brother.
What I got was something else, completely. It wasn’t bad, per se. But it was obvious that – even though I managed to cum – I’d have some thoughts about this that lingered beyond the 22mins of this scene.
And I do:
Stu and Pavel are empirically handsome and muscled and hairy in all the right ways and places. They’re the ideal Sean Cody men. But that’s where they diverge. Stu is a capable bottom and he seems to get into it well enough to make it enjoyable to watch. But that dude is checked-the fuck-OUT. On multiple viewings of this video, I found almost a dozen examples of Pavel desperately searching for some kind of click with his scene partner, only to have Stu ignore him entirely, or briefly check in and then physically move his face away to break it.
I made a short clip of the first four minutes or so of this video, and highlighted the points where Pavel seems to be going “hey bro?” and Stu shuts him down or ignores it completely:
At some point, Pavel sort of realizes that he’s not going to get what he’s driving for from this guy, and fixates on Stu’s boner. He doesn’t even look at him after this, until it’s time for the penetration. And the penetration starts like 5 fucking minutes into the scene. Which should be a good indicator of the chemistry Stu’s capable of dipping into. But, it’s fun to watch Pavel suck a dick, because he’s clearly the sort of boy who revels in having a penis in his mouth and seems to be rather adept at manipulating it, orally.
What you should notice in that video is that Pavel is doing everything in his toolkit to get this guy to really pay attention to him. He’s physical, he’s vocal, and at one point around 1:29, he even grabs Stu’s face to try and physically redirect him (one of my personal favorite tactics for dealing with the Stus of the world). But Stu isn’t having it. He’s focused on his dry, high school handjob and doesn’t seem to notice or care that Pavel is trying to make this a way better session.
What you should take away from this is the idea that real connection takes practical effort. You need to be present, and you need to see the person that you’re with. Look into their eyes. Force them to look at you, if you have to. Outside of the high theatre of pornography, what you’re sharing with that other man is intensely personal and very often private. Something about which they may have all sorts of conflicted feelings: shame, guilt, fear, sadness, elation. You can’t do anything about their feelings, but you can be open and receptive and those are the keys to connected sexual interaction. You can be excited and you can let their expressions of pleasure enhance your own. It’s vulnerable and thrilling and singular to show someone how it looks when you masturbate, and it can be exponentially more so when they enthusiastically receive and mirror it.
That’s literally all that happens at Bateworld. Men who share their masturbation in attempt to connect with and heighten the masturbation and pleasure of their brothers. Nothing more sinister or “dirty” or profound.
What Stu misses is a chance to share his body in a way that is related to his animating force. What he offers instead, is an unlubed cock tug, and a hairy butt in which to nutt. Thats fine, I guess.
It’s the difference between eating a real, filling, and enjoyable meal, and sucking down that sloppy Nachos Bel Grande. You might feel full. But hardly satisfied.
This blog has ZERO affiliate relationships, so I don’t earn any money for talking about porn. But I’m a big believer in supporting the performers and creators in adult entertainment. If you want to watch the full scene, or any of the hundreds of quality scenes Sean Cody has created, click here and give them a few bucks.